just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
