rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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