Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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