Kiss
Puke
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
