you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
