I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
