you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
