You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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