if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
