I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You ruined the universe
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
