my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
