Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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