Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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