You can't motorboat a personality
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
