I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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