when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
