when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
