At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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