You smell like a Billy Joel song
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
