would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
