How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
