These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
