i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
