DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
