I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize