you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize