Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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