I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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