I just pynch a tree in the face
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
