Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Who died my cat blue again?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
