And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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