Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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