I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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