a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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