Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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