Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
