YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
