Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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