My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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