My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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