he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
