mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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