i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
