im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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