We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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