Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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