are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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