i may or may not be watching the land before time
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
