So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
