I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
