All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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