I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
