the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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