so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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