My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
