Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
