if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
