at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
