first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Randomize
