I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Randomize
