You made me cry and you don't even care
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
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i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
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Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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