i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
