Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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