I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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