we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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