It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
